How To- Make Grunge Look Good

In an attempt to help Portland look better, I have assembled a few "guidelines" on how to Fashionably rock the Grunge Look. Your welcome.

1. I know you are going for the Grunge, I look cool without trying look, BUT please, just please take a shower. Just do it once a day.

*It will set you apart from the Homeless, so it is worth it. It's embarrassing to be sitting on a park bench minding your own business, when all of a sudden people start tossing spare change at you, then when you go after them to give it back they start to jog in their business suit and heels just to get away from your smell and the flies that are following you.

2. Do not go overboard. Pairing too many grunge items together will create a mess. You will look like a blimp in an oversized grunge tee and baggy ripped up jeans.

Speaking of going overboard...

3. If you are female, add a feminine touch. You could choose high heels, some kind of cute hair accessories, or just show some cleavage.

*It is not cute to look like a girl lumberjack that is looking for another girl lumberjack... if you catch my drift? wink,wink;) But if that is the look you're going for, I really have no idea what kind if Style floats your boat, so ya just do the opposite of what I say and I'm sure you'll be good.

Good job Miss. Mary Kate Olsen gets an A+

4. If you are going for a sexy grunge look then stay away from items that will make you look like an unsuccessful 80's hooker. Example, anything red patient leather paired with leopard print anything else.

If even just half of Portlanders adjusted their wardrobe accordingly our streets would be so much more fashionable, not to mention tons easier to look at with less flies.
    

Portland Grunge

There's a right way and a wrong way to deck yourself out in a Grunge look.

Exhibit A: The Correct Way by Taylor Momsen
I know, I know she does over does it sometimes, but this is a great example of Grunge at its loveliest.

Exhibit B: The Incorrect, Good Job Embarrassing Yourself Way
And yes, this IS a Halloween costume! Hence why you should not dress like this.

So far, many Portlanders has got it all wrong.  I don't know if it's all the grey gloominess outside keeping everyone's head in a fog, but last time I checked we made it though the 90's. But lets not forget the few who walk around the streets of Portland looking completely stunningly grunge and inspirational (pictures coming soon).

So here we are in 2011 with half of all Portlanders calling attention to their inability to rock a Grunge look without looking homeless. Yes, it is true: Homeless is not a good look, neither is looking like a weird lumberjack wood cutting man or woman (Many women lumberjacks reside in Portland also). Sorry to disappoint.  

Top Ten Reasons Portland's Fashion is Suffering

10. It's hard to have style when you constantly have to wear galoshes.

9. Being grunge and pretending not to care is cooler then looking like you took a shower that day.

8. Fashion doesn't apply when you ride your bike.

7. When the sun doesn't come out for days it just makes more sense to keep wearing your pajamas.

6. It wouldn't make sense to wear high heels while working at a coffee shop.

5.  Sexual orientation takes a back seat to comfort, i.e. Birkenstocks

4. It's more important to care about important world issues, like hybrid cars and organic foods.

3. Portlanders want to be unique... as a whole.

2. Portlanders are far too advanced to conform to social trends.

and the Number 1 reason Portland's Fashion is suffering...

The lack of sun causing every Portlander to resemble a vampire has changed their priorities, keeping Fashion, along with general hygiene in a distant last.